Mom rarely opens her eyes now. She sleeps most of the day either in bed or in a geri-chair. Dad sees her four mornings a week and feeds her breakfast.
Last Tuesday, while dad was feeding mom, I touched her arm, got six inches away from her face, said "hi, mom," and got absolutely no reaction. Yet, dad continued to feed her. I was so concerned I did some research. I found it's extremely risky to feed someone who's not fully awake, especially if the person doing the feeding has no training. So I told dad I'm concerned mom might choke or aspirate while he's feeding her when she's not fully awake. Big mistake!
Dad twisted my words in his head and came to the conclusion I'm willing to let mom starve to death. And he just can't understand how I could be so "cold-hearted." First of all, someone in mom's state doesn't feel the starving if that should occur. Second of all, I never suggested no one feed mom, just that it be someone with experience and training. I mean, how will dad feel if mom chokes or aspirates while he's feeding her?
I have to admit a few of my family members often misinterpret what I say. I might take some of the blame, but most relatives and all of my friends seem to have no problem understanding me. Besides, I'm 61 years old, so I don't see me changing.
I'm sorry for dad that he took things so wrong, but the incident was a turning point for me. In the past, I would have desperately wanted to explain myself and "fix it." But, this time, I'm leaving it alone, finally understanding that I have no control over how people think. And I don't have the energy to constantly edit myself for certain individuals. As Popeye says, "I yam what I yam and tha's all I yam!"
2 comments:
It used to bother me terribly when I was younger when people misinterpreted what I meant by what I said or did--until it finally dawned on me that everyone hears and sees through their own mind filter. (And some of those mind filters are indestructible and narrow.) If the first redirection is ignored--I finally learned to just let it go. Nothing more can be done about it. God knows what you meant. Humans have limited knowledge and scope. We do the best we can. *bless you*
Rita, your words were very comforting. That's how I now feel. God understands and I leave it in His hands to straighten out when the person who misunderstood gets to heaven. Thank God for bringing you into my life!
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