Living Hell

This morning Jonah and I met dad at Bethesda to visit mom.  Every time I see mom lately, I'm amazed at the resilience of some human bodies despite chronic illnesses.

Mom is now on a floor with residents who are all going through slow deaths.  Every one of them have cheated death at least once.  Most do not talk, have to be fed and bathed, and spend most of the day sleeping either in wheelchairs or beds.  All of them are wearing adult diapers and have food stains all over their clothes.

Mom still talks, but very little.  Most of what she says makes no sense.  She hasn't recognized me for months.  And, every week now, she's thinner, frailer, and paler.

Approximately 15 years ago, mom had emergency quadruple bypass surgery.  After the operation, the surgeon predicted she would live no more than eight years.  Indeed, mom's body is extremely resilient.  I often wonder, however, if she would have preferred a fatal heart attack over the life she's been living the past ten years.

It's a depressing and hopeless situation.  At this point, all I can do is continue to pray I don't put my family through this living hell.